


it's a summer day, and i want to be wanted

by jublis



Series: heirloom [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, IROH IS THE ONLY PARENTAL FIGURE EVER, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Post-Canon, Rated T for Toph, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, fire nation citizens being fooled by the veil of heteronormativity, gee sokka you get to have a girlfriend AND a boyfriend???, hi im suki this is my boyfriend sokka and this is sokkas boyfriend zuko, mentions of depersonalization, someone tell zuko that disassociating is not a coping mechanism, yes im ignoring the comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24999148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jublis/pseuds/jublis
Summary: The rumors start around two months after Zuko’s coronation.It was only a matter of time before they did, anyways. Zuko is aware of the—unusual situation he’s found himself in, and maybe it’s just a sign that he’s been spending too much time with Sokka, but he finds the entire thing hilarious. So, instead of explaining things and trying to settle down the gossip, he just...doesn’t. He watches the second glances he receives from government officials and generals, and eavesdrops the conversations between servants as they move around the palace, and, as Sokka would put it, “enables it all like a Chaos god watching us all from his golden throne.”Or, Zuko and Sokka are together. Suki and Sokka are also together, and apparently, that confuses everyone else.
Relationships: Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: heirloom [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808977
Comments: 80
Kudos: 1339





	it's a summer day, and i want to be wanted

**Author's Note:**

> what is this??? three fics in three days??? that's never happened before!
> 
> i'm on a roll. and i love these characters very much. so as my contribution to the atla renaissance, zukka nation, y'all are eating good tonight.
> 
> the title is from the poem "homosexuality," by frank o'hara.
> 
> see you at the end notes!

The rumors start around two months after Zuko’s coronation. 

It was only a matter of time before they did, anyways. Zuko is aware of the— _unusual_ situation he’s found himself in, and maybe it’s just a sign that he’s been spending too much time with Sokka, but he finds the entire thing hilarious. So, instead of explaining things to try and settle down the gossip, he just... doesn’t. He watches the second glances he receives from government officials and generals, and eavesdrops the conversations between servants as they move around the palace, and, as Sokka would put it, “enables it all like a Chaos god watching us all from his golden throne.”

_Did you hear about Prince_ _—_ _about Fire Lord Zuko and the Kyoshi warrior? The head of guards?_

_Wasn’t he involved with Lady Mai? I wasn’t aware they broke it off._

_It was certainly unexpected. Agni forgive me, but to be honest, I never thought the boy had such_ inclinations _towards women._

Now, that last one had almost gotten him caught listening, because he’d made eye contact with Suki across the courtyard, and he bit his fist until he could taste metal to keep himself from cackling like a maniac. Suki, professional as always, didn’t even blink until the two kitchen maids had disappeared around a corner; then, and only then, did she dissolve into a fit of laughter that made her double over.

“Oh, Fire Lord Zuko,” she’d said, gasping for air as he approached her, eyes watering with laughter. “How come you never told me that we’re _involved_?”

“Sokka and I were busy,” he deadpanned. “I guess it just never came up.”

Suki’s smile turned into a smirk, and Zuko turned his head to hide his furious blushing. Too much time with Sokka, but apparently not enough. 

A few weeks after that, someone in a war meeting suggested a marriage alliance with an Earth Kingdom noble—something to display good faith, to show that the Fire Nation was opening its doors to others. Since Sozin’s reign, no Fire Lord had ever been wed to someone outside their nation, and there were no official registers of anything before that, so they couldn’t be sure if it had ever been practiced, but many of his generals figured it was worth a shot.

Zuko shot that down immediately. He used the excuse that it was too soon (which wasn’t even a lie, actually; his seventeenth birthday was still months away at the time, and he couldn’t imagine settling down with anyone), but of course, that only fueled the gossip that there was someone else that Zuko would rather wed. _Someone not noble-born,_ the court whispered, as if it was a dirty secret. _Some peasant girl, or Agni forbid, a servant. Let’s hope he comes to his senses soon._

It’s early morning and Zuko is sitting by his window, watching the sunrise. It’s been a year and a half, and needless to say, he hasn’t “come to his senses” yet. The quietness of the day fills his heart to the brim with something he can’t name—it’s always quite lonesome to find oneself awake before anyone else, and he hasn’t ever gotten used to the way the world stills when there’s only him to acknowledge it. 

Firebenders rise with the Sun, so most of the country is probably already getting ready for the day, but it’s still early enough that Zuko can pretend there’s only him, and the sunlight on his skin, and the breeze making his slowly growing hair dance around his eyes. He hugs himself tightly, legs drawn up to his chest, heart beating in time with his breath. 

Agni, he didn’t sleep a _wink_. 

It isn’t so much the nightmares anymore as it is just sheer insomnia. The nightmares—or night _terrors_ , as Suki has described them, the ones that leave him paralyzed and heaving as if he’d run a marathon, with blood on his teeth from where he’d bitten his tongue — are inconsistent, and he doesn’t really remember them after he wakes up. They mostly just leave him with a distinct feeling of _wrongness_ , pulse like a wild animal’s in his chest, a paranoia so complete it makes him want to curl up into a ball and never get up. Sometimes it gets so bad that he wants everything to stop; the itching under his skin, the need to tear something down and burn and _Agni, Zuko, what did you do to your arms?_

Yeah. Bad days come and go. Remembering them is almost as bad as living through them, in the long run, but he’s managing. They’re the days he wants to be alone the most, but also the ones where Sokka is immovable in his presence. Zuko screams and cries and rages at him to _just go, I don’t want to see you right now, I don’t want you,_ and Sokka mutely takes his hands, balled into fists, and circles them around his waist, holding on tight. The trust in that simple action — taking Zuko’s hands, his biggest weapons, and kissing them open; placing them against his chest, the heartbeat screaming I’m here, _I’m here, I’m here_ —makes him dizzy. And he holds on. 

_How could I ever not want this?_ , he thinks, sometimes, watching Sokka’s face as he sleeps, features soft and half-hidden by shadow. 

Zuko doesn’t think he’s ever been in love like this before. There were girls, sure. Mai and Jin and all the Earth Kingdom girls that winked at him when he worked as a waiter at The Jasmine Dragon. He used to think he loved Mai, once. And he surely never thought about _boys_ before he left the Fire Nation for the second time, at least not consciously. He knew what the law said; marriage was an institution between a man and a woman. There wasn’t pain of death for being different, but if caught, the jail time probably amounted to the same thing. And Zuko wasn’t like that. So he turned traitor, but he wasn’t like _that_.

And then, Sokka. Sokka under the moonlight and Sokka next to the bonfire and the dark freckles dusting the bridge of his nose and the dimple he only had on his left cheek, and Zuko had thought, _oh_. 

It took a while. Sokka might have talked loudly about all the endeavours he’d had when he was younger—the girls he’d taken home for dinner, and the boys he’d kissed while walking in the snow—but he was also irrevocably in love with Suki. And regardless of whatever Zuko’s feelings were, they couldn’t be. He respected both of them too much for that.

And then he’d almost died in the Agni Kai against Azula, and he’d woken up days later with Sokka and Suki sprawled on either side of him in bed, careful not to touch his bandages. Sokka’s fingers intertwined with his and Suki’s hair tickling his skin, and Zuko breathed and thought, maybe.

The change wasn’t immediate, but it started: lingering touches and hugs that lasted just a few moments too long, and platonic kisses on the cheek that suddenly weren’t as platonic anymore. Until one day, when all of them—Zuko and Sokka and Suki, along with Toph, Katara and Aang—were together on the eve before the peace treaty with the Earth Kingdom was officially signed, and Sokka took Zuko's and Suki’s hands and raised them like they were champions in an Earth Rumble.

“The Fire Nation lost the war,” he’d announced, “but _I’m_ the real winner here.”

And then he kissed Suki and Zuko respectively, leaving them both stunned, and grinned like a maniac.

Katara sighed and rubbed a hand over her face, as if to say, finally. Aang stared at them, open-mouthed, and Toph only blinked.

“Sparky, I would’ve been able to hear your heartbeat even without my earthbending,” she’d said. “What the _fuck_ just happened?”

Aang jumped a few feet in the air and clapped, a grin taking over his whole face. “Woah, Sokka,” he said. “You get a girlfriend _and_ a boyfriend?”

The word _boyfriend_ had made Zuko jump a little in surprise. Toph just started cackling, and hasn’t really stopped laughing at him ever since. But she did hug him when he finally repelled Sozin’s law on marriage, making it possible for every Fire Nation citizen over the age of eighteen to marry whoever they wanted, regardless of gender.

So Sokka and Zuko are together. And Suki and Sokka are also together. Zuko and Suki aren’t, because those maids got something right; he really doesn’t have such _inclinations_ towards women, thank you very much. But Suki is one of his best friends, and one he respects more than anything. It’s understandable why people would think they’re dating, mostly because they’re together constantly when Sokka’s away, but though Zuko loves her, he’s not _in_ love with her. He also doesn’t really mind sharing; ever since Sokka became the Water Tribe Ambassador and started living full time in the Fire Nation, they’re together all the time. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

“What’re you thinking about?”

Sokka’s voice, soft and sleepy, almost makes Zuko jump out of his own skin. He tries not to frown; he’s not usually prone to daydreaming, trying to be on guard all of the time, but sometimes he slips up. It shouldn’t frustrate him, but it does. 

“You,” Zuko answers simply. 

A few months ago, it would have been too much to say. Now it almost feels like too little.

_In case you ever foolishly forget, I am never not thinking of you,_ is what Zuko wants to say. _You are the product of my longing, the idea of the love I crave._ Sometimes he thinks he made it all up, but every day he wakes up and Sokka is there, as bright and constant as the Sun in the horizon, and Zuko is so, so in love. It feels like honey dousing his lungs, like his beating heart rests wide and open on his chest. Sokka smiles and kisses him and Zuko can almost feel the sugar between his teeth. 

“Old age has turned you into a _sap_ ,” Sokka says, nudging Zuko’s face with his nose.

Zuko raises an eyebrow. "I'm barely eighteen, Sokka."

"Your point?" Sokka asks, flopping down next to Zuko by the window, still in his nightclothes and with his hair down. Zuko looks, because of course he does, and Sokka notices immediately, because _of course he does_. “How much did you sleep?” He asks, immediately.

Zuko groans, closing his eyes. “ _Enough_. I slept enough.”

“You,” Sokka pokes Zuko’s chest to make his point, “have no real conception of what the word _enough_ means.”

“Sure I do,” Zuko says. “I’m still functional. No falling asleep during meetings and no post-anniversary breakdowns. I’m fine.”

“I wish Toph was here right now so I could know if you’re lying or not,” Sokka grumbles, shuddering at the mention of the post-anniversary breakdowns. 

It’s become a constant in Zuko’s bad days: the anniversary of his banishment, the anniversary of the Agni Kai. He never sleeps alone, then, but they’re still the moments he dreads the worst. Either he wakes up choking on smoke that isn’t there, with the taste of burnt skin on his mouth, or something in his mind shifts and he’s suddenly not there at all. He’s not anywhere. 

(Zuko spends those days with Uncle Iroh, whenever he can. His uncle has made an effort to visit as much as he possibly can while still keeping business running at the Jasmine Dragon, something that makes Zuko eternally grateful. When Iroh is there, they sit together and drink tea and say nothing at all. 

“I could be sleeping,” Zuko tried, once, words feeling clumsy in his mouth, “and I wouldn’t know the difference. If I cut myself, I don’t think I would even bleed. There’s just,” he tightened his fist and made it go lax. “There’s nothing here.”

Uncle held Zuko’s face between his hands. The calloused palms were warm and familiar, but Zuko could only blink and breathe. 

“You look so sad, Uncle,” he’d said. “Why are you sad?”

Iroh kissed his forehead and pressed Zuko against his chest until something in him unraveled. “I love you,” was all his Uncle had said, over and over again. “I love you. I love you.”)

But today is not one of those days. Zuko is tired the way he always is, just under his skin, the way he sees in Sokka everytime an emergency meeting is called or another one of Ozai’s loyalists is arrested; the way Suki crumples after her monthly visit to the facility where Azula is being treated, or whenever her mother’s birthday comes and goes with no mother there; when Toph rages and destroys a room in the palace everytime another letter from her parents arrive, asking her to stop this madness and come back to them. It’s a tiredness that only time, and not rest, can cure. 

And time passes. 

“Sokka,” Zuko says, exasperated, “just hold me, will you?”

“So bossy,” Sokka complains, but immediately wraps his arms around Zuko like an octopus, knotting their legs together until Zuko can’t tell where Sokka begins and he ends. “Suki will be hearing about this and you’ll have words. _She’s_ the bossy one in this relationship.”

“Quit bitching,” Zuko says. “As if you’d have her any other way.”

The next thing Sokka says is so quiet Zuko almost misses it. “Like I’d have either of you any other way.”

It’s the first day of summer. And time passes.

**Author's Note:**

> whaaaa hi again! hope y'all liked that! i had a lot of fun writing it. there are quite a few poetry references in there, because ~love poems~ but i used a lot of my own poems in there, so, you know :D
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are appreciated. if you want to yell at me, you can do so on twitter @bornfrombeauty , where i talk about books and poetry a lot.


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